Dwarf Fortress 2: Electric Boogaloo

Hello everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July setting fire to incendiary devices of Chinese make and engorging copious amounts of animal products. As promised, today I'm going to deliver to you the second half of that ridiculous tale I started on Friday. Truthfully, I could probably write a post everyday about the tomfoolery that goes down in my various forts. (Yesterday, I clubbed an ettin to death with crossbows. Yay.) However, I realize that Dwarf Fortress isn't for everyone and thus, I won't. Besides, writing these things out is a bit exhausting. Too damn long.

ONWARD!

When last we left our intrepid dwarfs, we were in the middle of a lycanthropic nightmare. A surviving were-possum-dwarf (in humanoid form) was alive in the fortress, a ticking time bomb. Because of the dwarfs reticence to attack one of their own, I knew that I would have to take matters into my own hands and construct a "dwarven atom smasher." It's not nearly as fancy as it sounds. It's basically just a drawbridge that you tell the offending dwarf to stand under. You raise it up, you lower it down and voila. Deleted. As in, there aren't even any body parts left to inter in a coffin. (Bonus points if another dwarf sees you do it.)

So, I dug out a passageway away from the day to day goings on of my fort, lest someone accidentally wander in while justice was being served. Built a lovely 3x2 bridge of the finest schist and designated a corresponding area for daddy's little monster to wait in. sigh.  He wouldn't move over there. Now, before you think that DF is some sort of buggy and broken game, stop. It does have its share of bugs, yes. However, getting your dwarfs to do exactly what you want them to do, when you want them to do it can be rather arcane. You can't just click on a dwarf and say "do this." I don't want to go into the specifics of dwarf management because ZZZzzZzZz to most of you.

Anyways, as I was trying to coax him under the bridge, he raged out again. Dwarfs scattered, blood sigh. So, I act quickly, I designate those three to go to the DAS for "justice" and draw ragged gasps of breath waiting to see if they will do it. Thankfully, two do amble over under the bridge and await their fate, however, another dwarf already found his way into a hospital bed. He wouldn't budge.

Accurate.

flew, and my militia charged. End result; the offender died, took a few dwarfs with him, and infected three more. Including my broker, who is responsible for trading with other civilization's trade caravans.

Not wanting to waste time, I quickly pulled the lever (or had a dwarf do it) to raise and lower the bridge. Only, for some reason, it didn't catch one of the dwarfs. Hilariously, the dwarf managed to dodge back out of the way of my death trap, only to turn around as his accomplice was deleted from existence. As he was busy freaking out, I yanked the lever two more times to soothe his nerves. Two down, one to go. Over the next few minutes, I tried everything I knew to coax that dwarf out of the hospital. I undesignated the hospital. I deconstructed the bed around him. All in vain. Ultimately, I ended up having to construct a wall at the foot of his bed, so that I had two walls to hook a bridge onto. Then I built a tidy bridge directly on top of him, connected it to a lever, and lowered it down...while he was in the bed. The ultimate painkiller, he was completely gone when I raised my bridge back up. I then had to deconstruct the bridge, the wall, and the lever. It was worth it though, my fortress had survived the lycanthropy scare. Ready to march on and see what fresh hell tomorrow might uncover.

Exhausting!

If you've stuck with this until the end, bravo! I'll be back with another blog post, oh, tomorrow. I suppose. Until then #GameOn!